December...

Ask anyone, young or old what their favourite month is, and I guarantee they will say December. For me, it is most definitely not; There are several reasons why, both historical and perpetual that will always make me want to disappear into hibernation for the month at the years end.

Obviously there is Christmas, and all the hoopla that surrounds the 25th of December each year. I don't have an issue with Christmas itself; the idea of spending time with family, friends and loved ones sounds like bliss to me. But that is generally just the one day of it. It's the materialism and selfishness that comes in the weeks that precede that kills the season for me. I honestly think that to some people, the true meaning of Christmas disappeared a long time ago.
Having a smaller family than I did four years ago means there are some elements of the season that I miss. Every second year or so, I would celebrate Christmas with Mum, while other years were spent with Dad. Now that they have both passed on, Christmas seems just a little bit emptier for me.

If Christmas wasn't enough, it just so happens that my birthday falls seven days before Christmas. As a child, it was definitely a reason to look forward to the end of the year. Today, the season serves as another reminder that 30 is not far away, and I still haven't worked out what I want to do with my life.  Quarter life crisis dwells on me almost weekly. The 18th of December makes it all the more depressing...

Work and other ventures are at their craziest at this time of year. This is sometimes a good thing, as it keeps my mind occupied for bursts of time. But it also has it's dark side. Nine hour plus days are normal, and then going home and working for another couple of hours at home afterwards murders my already screwed sleep patterns. Dangerously, I often notice long afterwards that I have often gone a day without eating during the season. Having had the ordeal of an eating disorder in the past, doing this puts me dangerously close to relapse. During the recovery, I always had someone to remind me when to stop and eat. Currently, I don't have a support person to help, and admitting to some people that you have been Anorexic is one of the hardest things you can do. It's also a fact that once you've had an eating disorder, hunger is feeling that you may go days without experiencing.

Although I never received combined Birthday/Christmas presents as a child, life in general has handed me some of the worst gifts of all in my adult life; Both my parents were diagnosed with Cancer in December. I experienced my first relationship heartbreak two weeks before my 18th Birthday. I've lost close friends during the 12th month. Sure, there are probably months were more bad things can be attributed to, but I always remember the ones that fall on December.

So December is not, nor will it never be one of the fondest months for me. But beyond the darkness that comes from those 30 days comes a new year, new opportunities and another 11 months before it returns again...
So to butcher the lyrics of a well known song, "Wake me up when December ends"